The Texas Enterprise: Missing the Fam

It has happened two nights in a row: I got trunky for home. Last night, it was a song that came on in the radio--Roar, by Katy Perry. I used to hate it. Then I became converted as I watched my my brother and sister-in-law tear it up via karaoke over Christmas. Hearing it last night made me miss Dan and especially Karen (sorry Dan...) but I was able to smile, shake off the blues, and enjoy the song in the car. I'd received a package and email from Karen earlier in the day and the recent communication made her feel not too far away. (Thanks, Karen!)

Tonight, I don't even want to try to shake off the blues. Blake's gone to an activity for Young Mens (in a 'catch-up' post, I'll tell you that he got called as the Priest advisor) and so there's no reason to be reasonable and hold myself together. (Instead, I'll publish to my entire extended family that I broke down like a little girl... since that makes so much sense.) Eliza doesn't mind me crying--in fact, she cried a fair bit today herself so I don't feel bad. (Did I just compare my emotional fortitude to that of a one-year-old? Oh dear.) I was singing to her as she drank her bottle. There were all of the usuals--I love to see the temple, I am like a star shining brightly... But then I ventured to A Child's Prayer. And Beth wasn't there to sing the duet with me. And my voice stopped because I couldn't sing past the lump in my throat. And I lost it.

I cried for a little bit and talked softly with Eliza--she's a good listener--and then I put her down for bed. Hoping for a distraction, I went to the computer to check my email, only to find an email from Dad Hull with 15 pictures of Courtney.

Dang it.

And so I let myself cry for a little bit and miss my parents and brothers and sisters from both sides and think of them and yearn for them and wish I could hug them tight enough for it to hurt. Then I jumped on the blog because writing makes me feel better. ...Which brings us to this sentence--looks like you're up to speed.

In a conversation with Grandma Hull before we left, she said to me, "Things will be good. There will be hard days where you think, 'I just want my mommy!' and you want to sit down and cry. But other days will be so, so good."

My goodness, she's prophetic. (Seriously Hull Family... Is there any problem Grandma doesn't have a soft and kind piece of advice for? Such a wise woman. We ought to make a plaque: When in doubt, ask Grandma.) I'm generally happy here in Texas. But in some days and moments, the distance between me and those I love doesn't feel around the corner--it feels across the globe. (An accurate estimate, in Courtney's case.) But I know that another day soon will be so good. And it will probably be tomorrow.

Here's a look at what I've been missing. I've enjoyed going back through my pictures tonight.